HE WAS A RESPECTED MAN IN THE COMPOUND
When I was growing up, we lived in a rented compound with other families, which Nigerians popularly call face-me-I-face-you. I lived with my aunt, uncle, and their children.
There was this particular man in my compound who was a respected man both in the compound and in his church. He was even referred to as “Elder” in his church because of his age, reputation, and integrity. Aside from the landlord, he was the oldest man in the compound. He was well respected to the point where if any parent was disciplining their child and he intervened, he would be listened to.
No one would have thought that he was capable of doing anything less honorable, including me.
Back in those days, all the children in the compound typically took their baths outside. We were innocent and had no shame as children. I kept bathing in the open compound until I was about twelve to thirteen years old. My breasts were already forming at that time, but I continued bathing outside.
One day, he came close to where I was bathing and attempted to touch my breasts, but he failed. I was confused and worried as to why he would want to do something like that, but I didn’t say anything to anyone. The second time, he came close again and eventually touched my breasts.
I didn’t hesitate to tell my aunt, who I was living with, about it. I told her that he touched my breasts. She was shocked to her bones and in disbelief for the first few seconds.
“Are you sure it was this man?” She had asked me deeply.
I told her that it was he, and she told me to report to my uncle the next time he would attempt something like that. Then she went on to advise me to always wear clothes, stop bathing outside, and to avoid him as best as I could.
Sometimes, even up till now, I still think about it, and I wonder what could have prompted him to do what he did. He even had a daughter who was older than me, and yet, he chose to do something like that.
He is still alive, and till this very day, I haven’t been able to wrap my head around why my aunt didn’t confront him. It was kept between both of us, and nothing was done to him. It never repeated itself because I stuck to the new rules that were given to me, but I still cannot stop thinking about it.
I WAS ONLY THERE FOR AN INTERNSHIP
After the first few years of studying medical laboratory, I was posted to a hospital for my internship, where I was to work in their laboratory for a period of time. I went there every single day because I was serious about learning.
The head of the laboratory was a man who seemingly carried himself well around the lab. His wife often came around to see him. They would talk and laugh, and their public display of affection was sometimes admirable. I always saw them as the perfect couple, and that sort of increased the regard I had for this man.
Then, one day, as I sat in front of the computer, doing my task for the day, this man came from behind and grabbed my breasts. He grabbed it with force, and because it wasn’t something that I ever thought would happen to me, I was caught unaware. I was too shocked to even scream, but as soon as I got over my shock, I freed myself from his hold, and then I ran out of the lab.
I went to the head doctor and reported immediately, but to my utmost shock, the doctor did not say a word or attempt to reprimand him. Absolutely nothing was done to this man, who grabbed my breasts without my consent and assaulted me that day at the lab.
I was befuddled because this was a man who shared what seemed like a great marriage with his wife, and I never would have imagined that such a thought would cross his mind. I never gave him any impression that I wanted that kind of attention from him. I also wondered how many young girls like me he would have taken advantage of in that lab, patients, and staff members.
After that incident, especially as nothing was done to the man, I stopped feeling relaxed in the lab. Unfortunately, I couldn’t leave, so I had to stay back to complete my internship. I began to wear more conservative clothes and also kept my senses alert. I just wanted to wrap up my internship in peace and leave.
He didn’t succeed with whatever he might have had in mind, and he didn’t come close to me again after that day, or maybe it was because I took measures to stay far away from him, but that experience is still fresh in my memory.
And he still works there.
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE COURSEMATES
I was in my third year at the university, and there was this calm and quiet Christian guy who was my coursemate. We weren’t close. We were just friendly coursemates who exchanged pleasantries and a few words whenever we saw each other in class. He always came across as respectful and decent, so I never had any reason to think otherwise.
One day, I was complaining about my results and how I couldn’t figure out how to calculate my CGPA, and he offered to help. He said he was good with it. We were preparing for our last semester exams in 300L, and he suggested that I come to his room so that we could read together and sort out my results.
I agreed with a clear conscience and no hidden intention.
When I got to his room, the first thing I noticed was that there was no chair. It made me a little uneasy, but I brushed it off.
“He is a student like me,” I thought to myself.
Maybe he just hadn’t been able to get a chair yet. The only place to sit was the bed, so I sat there. He offered me a drink, but something in me said no. I declined politely and told him that I wasn’t in the mood for that. I asked him to help me with the CGPA first because I was really anxious to know where I stood academically, and also, that was the reason I was there.
He agreed and sat down on the bed, putting a little distance between us.
After a few minutes of calculating, he suddenly said that we should read and finish the CGPA calculations later. I was confused and asked why. He said there was a particular course he wanted to study, and that it would be easier for him to understand it since I was there.
I agreed without suspecting anything.
Then I began to notice that he was moving closer to me. Slowly, but noticeably. I told him to give me some space, but he didn’t listen. Before I could say another word, he grabbed my hand.
“We should do it nau,” he said.
I froze for a second as confusion wrapped itself around my head, and I asked, “Do what?”
Then he pointed to my private part.
That was when I realized that I was in trouble! I immediately jumped up from the bed, ready to leave, but he pushed me down and grabbed me by the neck. He started choking me.
I struggled.
I cried and begged him to stop.
I kept calling on God in my heart, praying for strength and a miracle.
Somehow, I managed to push him off me, and he fell backwards. I didn’t look back or wait for a second. I just ran. He chased after me, shouting my name and apologizing, but I didn’t stop. I got on the first motorcycle (bike) I saw and told the rider to take me home. I was shaking all the way, crying and thanking God for saving me.
The next day in school, he brought the textbooks I had left behind. I thought he was going to offer a deep and profuse apology, but instead, he said, “You are not a kid, so why did you act like that?”
I couldn’t believe it. No guilt. No remorse, just arrogance.
That was when I truly understood how not to judge a book by its cover. People could be hiding evil in their hearts while pretending to be godly. That day, I learnt never to ignore my instincts and to always trust that quiet voice inside of me; the one that told me not to drink, or stay too long. Even though I couldn’t tell anyone right away what I experienced that day in his room, I still thank God every day for saving me from what could have been a completely different story.
HE WAS MY FATHER’S CLOSE FRIEND
This man, who might be older than my dad, was a close friend of his. He always came visiting, and he was treated as a “family friend.” The friendship between them was reciprocal because my dad always went to his house as well.
As long as everyone was concerned, he was just one of my dad’s closest friends.
On that fateful day, he came to visit as he would often do, but I was alone at home, as my parents and siblings had all gone out. I welcomed him as we had always done, and he sat outside in the backyard, under our small tree.
I wasn’t expecting what came out of his mouth next.
“Come and sit on my lap,” he offered.
I wasn’t a baby. I was a young girl who had just entered university, and I knew that that wasn’t a harmless invitation. Besides, he wouldn’t have said that if my dad were seated with him. I was young, but I wasn’t naïve enough to accept his lustful offer.
I glared at him before I went into the house and locked the door until my parents returned.
I didn’t say a word about it to my dad; quite frankly, I can’t explain why I didn’t, and he also acted as though he hadn’t made an inappropriate offer to the young daughter of his close friend in his absence, but I never forgot that incident. One statement, and I never looked at him the same way again.
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Crazy things are happening 🤦
They are!
It’s quite unfortunate that so many men cannot control their sexual urge. My advice to the young girls. Report any kind of assault without any hesitation.
Report without hesitation!
😎😎 omo
Tragic