A popular saying goes, “When you marry someone, you marry their entire family,” but does it have to begin from the relationship stage?
Miss Chizzy met Uncle Kay in church in Abuja. At first, they were just acquaintances until Uncle Kay started developing an interest in Miss Chizzy. While she was still considering it, their pastor’s wife encouraged her to give Uncle Kay a chance. She was almost thirty, while he was in his mid-thirties.
“You both are no longer kids. Why don’t you give this a try and build something together?” She advised Miss Chizzy.
Miss Chizzy stuck to the advice, and by June last year, they got into what Miss Chizzy would call a relationship.
Miss Chizzy is an independent lady in Abuja who has built a business for herself and is taking good care of herself, while Uncle Kay is a product of “Old Money.” His mother, an old CBN (Central Bank of Nigeria) staff member, is a well-to-do woman. She lives a comfortable life in the city of Abuja, and has afforded her children with that comfort, including Uncle Kay.
When the relationship started, Uncle Kay didn’t hesitate in introducing Miss Chizzy to his mother and siblings, and in Nigeria, that paints a very good picture of something that could be leading to somewhere meaningful. Also, they were always meeting in his house, which he shared with his mother and siblings.
A short while into the relationship, Uncle Kay’s mother suggested that she cook Afang soup for her.
Miss Chizzy is a proper Igbo girl who has excellent cooking skills, so she went into Uncle Kay’s mother’s kitchen that day and prepared a delicious pot of Afang soup. Meanwhile, while she was pounding and sweating in the kitchen, Uncle Kay’s siblings, including his sister, got dressed and left for a party. Miss Chizzy did that act of service without complaining.
Then, Uncle Kay came up with the issue of Miss Chizzy not washing his clothes. He stated that she should at least wash his clothes whenever she visited, and maybe, also proceed to wash “Mummy’s” clothes as well. Miss Chizzy was surprised at this because, as a lady who is doing financially well for herself, she takes her clothes to the laundryman, and yet Uncle Kay wanted him to wash his clothes as well as his mother’s.
One day, Miss Chizzy was walking along the road with a male acquaintance of hers as she was going to show him something in the area where her business was situated. They were neither holding hands nor touching each other. Then a flashy car pulled over. Miss Chizzy recognized it as Uncle Kay’s mother’s car. She was seated at the back while Uncle Kay’s brother was driving. He wound down, and Miss Chizzy saw her. Then she hurried to the car to greet her.
“Mummy, good evening, ma,” Miss Chizzy greeted.
Without responding, Uncle Kay’s mother asked her son to zoom off, leaving her there.
Miss Chizzy wasn’t comfortable with that behavior, but she kept quiet about it. After that incident, she noticed that Uncle Kay’s attitude began to change. He didn’t say anything to her, and she didn’t bring up the episode with his mother instead, but each time they were supposed to meet up, he would suggest places like her apartment or a hotel, but not his home, even though that was where they always met before that fateful day.
Even if he agreed for her to come over, he would want it to be at night.
It got to a point that Miss Chizzy got fed up with the games and his attitude. They had only been dating for a few months, but it felt as though the relationship was already overwhelming. On her birthday, in November of that same year, Uncle Kay got her an insignificant gift, which made her upset because he could have done better, especially as he could afford it, but he chose to do the bare minimum. Miss Chizzy had done her best for the relationship, and she believed that she deserved better.
“What are we even doing? Where is this leading?” Miss Chizzy asked Uncle Kay over the phone that same evening.
Uncle Kay understood the question well enough.
“Are you even ready to get married and settle down if you are still entertaining other men?” He asked her in return.
It was obvious that his mother had fed him with what she saw that day, and he had held onto it, waiting patiently for the right opportunity to bring it up.
Miss Chizzy became infuriated because Uncle Kay and his family knew that she was a businesswoman; she was walking harmlessly with a man that day, his mother didn’t even bother to ask questions, and even Uncle Kay, who was told, didn’t talk to her about it. Miss Chizzy was provoked to anger.
“You and your family just want someone to serve you, not that you ever wanted anything serious,” Miss Chizzy had told him.
She also said a lot of other things in her anger, and, unknown to her, Uncle Kay was recording the things she was saying over the phone. It was an argument between the two of them, but he chose to record only the part she was venting in anger. After the call, in which she decided to end the relationship, Uncle Kay sent the recorded voice call to their pastor’s wife, who shipped the relationship, and a couple of other people. What was supposed to be a happy day for Miss Chizzy ended with a breakup. Miss Chizzy later realized that he had also been trying to trap her with pregnancy for the few months they dated, but he didn’t “score” that goal.
Nobody said anything to her until a few weeks back when Uncle Kay started calling her again. For some weeks now, he has been calling, and asking to visit Miss Chizzy in her apartment, but something in her kept holding back. Then, a few days ago, a friend of Miss Chizzy told her how he had dented her image by circulating a recorded call of the things she said in anger. Miss Chizzy was crushed. While she never said anything bad about Uncle Kay, even after the relationship ended last year, he was busy tarnishing her image.
She was also upset and disappointed that no one talked to her about it, especially the pastor’s wife, who could have called her attention to it, and even asked what happened so that they would hear her own side of the story.
He still hasn’t specifically stated why he is back to calling her, but with what she found out, Miss Chizzy believes that it is best to leave it as broken as it was.
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The first red flag is a man still living with his family, meaning he’s not ready.
Secondly, going to cook Afang soup😁 which was a no no for me.
That kind of family wants a slave, not a wife🙄🙄🙄
He is definitely not ready!
Some families sha na God forbid bad thing
Honestly…go there at your own risk!
It’s best she stay away from him for her own mental health.
That’s a mommy’s boy.
For her own mental health💯
This is beyond red flag, this is red banner!
Red ocean o😂
In this era, a man is considering marriage and the qualities he’s looking for in a woman are her ability to wash clothes and handle domestic chores, things you can easily pay someone to do. She better focus on her goals and wait for a man who understands and supports her dreams
A traditional man that wants an independent woman🤦🏼♀️
Thank God desperation didn’t push her to turn a blind eye to all the flags it was giving. Until this relationship keee one person, others no go rest😂😂😂😂😂😂
We won’t rest o😂
Uncle Kay sha needs beating. What a life
He does!
When relationship reaches the stage of introducing a lady to the guy’s parents, just be prepared, anything can happen.
Please chizzy should move on with her life. Uncle Kay is not mature enough to be a man
He is not.
Miss Chizzy’s got a lot on her plate, dealing with this situation. It’s wild how people around her, like the pastor’s wife, didn’t speak up or ask her about what went down. And now she’s left wondering why he’s reaching out again after all this time. You’re right, maybe it’s for the best she leaves things alone and focuses on herself. She should also block his number. The guy and his family are stupid Sha. Thank God the signs are clear.
It’s really sad, but then again, the signs.
Uncle Kay don shit for church
He should come and see the terrible things people are saying about him
So that he can change and do better😁
Awwwnnnn Mummy’s Boy. Does he needs biscuits🍪🍪🍪???
Omg😂
Hi, how have you been lately?
Some men are matured physically but immature mentally and emotionally
True!
Miss chizzy should allow that ship sink.
God is showing her their true colours on time because she deserve better.
She deserves better💯