A Taste Of True Colors

They say that you cannot completely know a person until money is involved, you have lived with them, travelled with them, or dealt with them when they are angry.

As most practices in Nigeria, this young lady got introduced to a man by his sister, and when they got talking, he was sweet and loving. According to the sister of her intended husband, she had observed the lady and wants her brother to meet her. Apparently, the family wants a “good woman” for their son. A short while later, they did their “marriage introduction”, and after which she moved into his apartment in Lagos, introduced her to his close friend who lives in the same two-storey apartment building with his family while making preparations for their wedding.

She started to notice some traits and uncanny attitudes, but the final brawl that made her begin to reconsider her decision about marrying him happened in January, 2020.

This close friend of her fiancé visited them that night with a bottle of wine; festive season had just ended, and since they did not get to enjoy it together, because he had travelled, he brought a bottle of wine for a good time with his friend. However, her fiancé declined the offer to share a bottle of wine with his friend…a friend that they usually do this sort of thing together. His friend was shocked and also confused, because he did not understand why his bosom friend was rejecting something from him.

Anyway, when he insisted that he wasn’t interested, his friend left the bottle of wine behind, saying that he could drink it later or serve it to a guest. After his friend left, she started asking him what the problem was. Is there anything going on between you two? Did he do something? If he had done something wrong, you could have just told him. ”No, if I don’t want to drink, is it by force?” he responded. She went on to say that she only wanted to find out why he wasn’t receptive to him. When she pressed, he said his friend was smiling too much at her, and he did not like it. She was stunned.

This was a married man and a close friend they were talking about! More so, this is the same fiancé that she caught cheating on her with his ex-girlfriend, which he initially denied but later begged for forgiveness. As if that was not enough to take, she found out shortly after that he also has a baby mama. All of this she tolerated and stayed.

“What do you mean he smiles too much at me? Okay, should I frown whenever he greets me because you are insecure?” she questioned. She was not going to allow him to project his insecurities on her, or make her stop greeting someone who has done her no wrong.

Much to her shock, her fiancé grabbed the bottle of wine, went to the TV stand and smashed the bottle of wine against it. She screamed. She had never seen someone act in so much anger and rashness, which even made her scared. Her fiancé did not stop there; he went closer to her with the broken wine bottle in his hand and threatened her with it. She fled to the bedroom. He followed her there, held her to the bedroom wall and continued to threaten her with the broken bottle, accusing her of defending his friend, and developing feelings for him. Then he dragged her out of the bedroom, to the front door, opened it and pushed her outside, neglecting the fact she was only wearing a pair of bum-shorts and singlet. He said that since she was now defending him, she should go to his house. She stood outside the door, but he went ahead to chase her downstairs to the first floor before going back to lock the door. She could not shout, she just stood there crying silently. She was ashamed. She felt bad. She could not believe that something like that was happening to her. She did not know what to do or where to go, because none of her friends lived close by, besides, she was not allowed the luxury of taking her phone before being locked out, and there was no light on the staircase.

After about thirty minutes, he opened the door and asked her to come inside. She was afraid to enter the house; she has never experienced any form of physical abuse before, or being treated coldly, because she felt he would beat her should she enter into the apartment. When she hesitated, he said she only wanted to remain outside so that neighbors would see her and perceive that something was wrong, but that was the least of her worries. She refused to go into the apartment with him, but he overpowered her again and dragged her back inside. Inside, she continued to cry. Her fiancé picked up his phone and called her mother to report her misdemeanor with his friend. Her mother refused to believe his accusation and asked to speak with her daughter instead.

When she eventually spoke with her mother through her phone, she told her mother that this was it; she was done with the relationship. Even when she caught him cheating, she covered his ass by keeping it away from her parents, and even intended to go on with the marriage. While they were having the phone discussion, her father overheard, so they had to open up to her father on the goings-on in her relationship. Her father immediately called her fiancé and asked him to bring his daughter home, and that he wanted to see them both as soon as possible. That night, she slept on the couch. In the morning, he began to plead to be forgiven, blaming his actions on the alcohol he took earlier in the day, but she refused to be fooled by his apologies and excuses anymore.

She called her married friend and explained the ordeal to her, and she advised her to endure and try to make things work. His sister also called her, and in advising her like a typical married Nigerian woman, told her marriage was not easy, so she should learn to endure. Anyway, her mind was already made up on the relationship. Besides, if she is being told to endure in something that is not even a marriage yet, then she should not get into it at all. Also, that wasn’t the kind of relationship or marriage she wanted for herself.

When she and her fiancé got to her parent’s house, and they sat down to deliberate on the matter along with his sister, she had no idea that he had taken ample time to type a long list of her offences and printed out in enough papers to go round. While they were yet on the matter, he got up and shared the papers round. His sister was very embarrassed and disappointed at him, because how is it that they are trying to resolve an issue, and he goes ahead and does such a thing! After being scolded by his sister, he proceeded to withdraw the papers from the readers, but her father refused to give it back to him, stating that such attitude is already a proof of the kind of man he was.

Afterwards, she officially called off the engagement. He started to beg, and even came to her home with his sister for reconciliation, but her father stood his ground that no marriage would take place between his daughter and him. Her father went further to inform him that he was fortunate that her brothers were away from home, otherwise he would have been thoroughly dealt with. When he realized that she was indeed serious about calling off the engagement, he started to spread lies about her, but none of it fazed her.

The following year, she heard that he reconnected with his baby mama and had secretly married her, all the while still calling and begging to fix things with her, including his family members. Anyway, she blocked him and disassociated herself from him.

But being with a violent, lying and cheating partner really hurt and traumatized her for a long time, and even up till now, she still gets upset whenever an incident triggers the memory.