Talking Stage – Bumble Love

Ever heard of ‘Talking Stage-zoning’?

Alicia

In a foreign country where everyone gets too busy working long hours just to be able to sort out their bills, Alicia decided to try dating app again, and she chose Bumble. Just naturally finding someone to date in the UK is not as easy as it is in Nigeria, thus, leaving her with that option; online dating app.

There, she met a white guy who is twenty-five years old and they hit it off immediately. She is also in her twenties, just slightly older, so there wasn’t any big deal, and besides, isn’t age just a number?

They got into a talking stage because that is basically what everyone is doing these days; they meet, talk for some time – a week, month, or months; depending on how long – just to get to know each other and see if a possible relationship is in sight or not.

The first date went well. Of course, they decided to go on a second one.

On the second date, he started filling Alicia with sob-stories of what happened between his Nigerian ex-girlfriend and him. According to him, he really wanted to marry her, but she told him that he would have to buy seven cows and a list of other outrageous demands before he can marry her. At that time, he wasn’t financially capable, so he had to let her go.

Although Alicia is Nigerian too, he feels now that he is more than capable even though the demands might not be the same. He has a job now, a car, and has even bought a house. Things are looking really good for him, and the next thing on his agenda is marriage, not some ridiculous notion called “relationship.” He made Alicia believe that he wanted something as serious as marriage.

As a Nigerian lady, of course, she was pleased by that.

Women love it when men are clear about what they want, especially when they speak in future terms and sound very “serious.”

However, after the date, Alicia noticed slight withdrawal, which became a pattern in his behavior.

He wouldn’t call or text her as he usually did and when she spoke about it, he claimed to be caught up with a lot of work, hence, depriving him ample time to call and text as he should, but this was not to say that they didn’t go out on more dates. Whenever it was time to suggest another date, he would miraculously become less busy and more available, and after the date, he would return to his busy schedules.

They went on cinema and other romantic dates and he painted this picture of a “good guy”, but then again, she noticed that aside from his mention of marriage on the second date, he hadn’t said anything about Alicia being his girlfriend, or even fiancée, since he wasn’t keen on relationships. There was no proposal anywhere, no sign of long term commitment, just dates and vibes.

After the fifth date, he invited Alicia over and she went.

One thing led to another and they were already making out. Alicia talked about using a condom for obvious reasons; protection against disease and pregnancy, but he didn’t have any available. However, he assured Alicia that he would use the “pull-out” method. That way, she wouldn’t have to worry about getting pregnant. As for health concerns, she needn’t worry as well. Alicia was skeptical about it, but being that she had been celibate for a while now and was already in the mood, she gave in.

What she did not see coming was this guy ejaculating in less than ten seconds!

Alicia had heard other women complain about “one-minute-man,” and she had always laughed about it, but in her case, he didn’t even last up to one minute. Before she could even feel him inside of her, he had already reached his climax.

Alicia was disappointed and upset, so much so that she was unable to mask it. He apologized and said that it was due to excitement. Another reason Alicia was upset with him was going against his word and spilling his juice inside of her, especially as she already expressed her concerns against pregnancy. For that too, he also apologized.

She hurried into the bathroom to be able to get some of it out even though she knew that it was as good as a useless effort. By the time Alicia got out of his bathroom, he had already dumped her clothes on the floor, by the bathroom door. This behavior was weird and upsetting to Alicia and his defense was that he didn’t want her to come out naked since she didn’t like how things went. Alicia wore her clothes, ended their situation right there, got into her car, and drove herself back to her apartment.

He apologized and promised to do better, but the next day, he didn’t call or text her at all.

In Alicia’s book, a man who is interested in a woman shouldn’t have to go the entire day without hearing from the woman he claims to be interested in, but being that she had already ruled him out of her mind, she didn’t bother much about it.

Eventually, he came over to hers to talk about what transpired between them and the possibility of Alicia being pregnant, and she expressed how uncomfortable she was about having an undefined relationship with him. What was going on between them wasn’t exactly a talking stage, and it wasn’t dating either.

He told Alicia that he wasn’t ready for a relationship or anything serious with anyone because he has anxiety and depression issues. Recall that this was the same person who expressly declared on the second date that he wanted to get married to Alicia. All of a sudden, he wasn’t mentally in that space.

“But what if you get pregnant?” He asked Alicia.

“I will keep the baby,” Alicia told him.

And she meant it.

Deep down, Alicia didn’t want to be pregnant, but she wasn’t exactly a child anymore, and so if it happens, she would keep the baby. That wasn’t pleasant news in his ears.

“Do you want to be a single mother?” He asked her.

It dawned on Alicia that he was never intentional or “serious” from the start, but she allowed herself to get carried away by his empty words. Unfortunately, she was now left to deal with the situation that their situation might put her in.

“You know what, just delete my number and don’t ever speak to me again!” He blew hot when Alicia insisted on keeping the pregnancy if there turned out to be any.

After his outburst, he stormed out of Alicia’s apartment, and she never heard from him again.

She realized that it was his style of getting down with women and she might have just been a gullible victim, but then, she had bigger things to worry about. From that moment till the next month when she was expected to see her menstrual flow, Alicia became deeply worried. She really didn’t want to get pregnant, especially for someone who couldn’t even last a minute and wasn’t present.

She prayed every day, promising God to abstain completely if he just let the “cup” pass over her. It was the longest couple of days for Alicia, and the most troubling ones as well that she had had in a really long time. Her worry intensified as her due menstrual date drew closer.

What if she truly fell pregnant? The realization each passing day became daunting and clarification of what her reality might look like set in. She would be left to handle a baby all on her own in a country where she wasn’t even a citizen yet. How would she meet up with working, and handling bills, and taking care of a child?

The day the much anticipated period came, Alicia was relieved beyond words!

She wasn’t pregnant.

She wasn’t sure she had experienced that much joy in a long time. All her worries disappeared completely and she returned to her normal life.

Right now, Alicia has sworn off dating apps, men and their antics, and this notorious thing called “talking stage,” but do you think she is only bluffing and might return to the single-and-searching pool real soon?