In the African culture, or maybe more of the Nigerian belief, a marriage doesn’t just involve a man and a woman, as education taught us. Rather, it also includes the extended family members.
It is said that a woman doesn’t just marry a man, but she marries his entire family.
This goes to say that family plays a huge role when it comes to the union of two people who have decided to spend the rest of their lives together. So what happens when the family that is supposed to be part of a union disapproves of it?
A young man, whom we will refer to as Mister M, met a young girl while at the university, fell in love, and they began to date. He was in 300 level, while she was in 200 level. As time went by, the relationship blossomed. Their love became strengthened with the length of time, as the relationship lasted all through their university period, down to when they graduated, and served in the National Youth Service Corps, and it still continued afterwards.
Mind you, Mister M is Igbo, from the Eastern part of Nigeria, and she is an Igala girl from Kogi state which is from the North Central part of the country.
The total number of years Mister M and his partner dated was eight years, which is quite a long time to form a bond or an attachment.
Three years ago, he told his family about her, stating his interest in marrying her, and they asked him to hold on. Last year, he brought it up again to his family, and they asked him to hold on. This year, he told them about it yet again, and this time around, he was very aggressive about it. Mister M was no longer interested in being told to “hold on.”
And that was when they opened up to him about why they had been asking him to hold on. According to Mister M’s family, they don’t want her because they dislike her tribe, believing that people from her tribe are not trustworthy.
This caused Mister M and his partner to part ways. However, parting ways after eight years of loving each other and building memories that might last a lifetime is not an easy thing to do. They would be heartbroken, of course. Mister M would have stubbornly gone ahead and married her regardless, but he is taking her into consideration. He cares about how she will feel in the long run, and he also believes that, given everything that is going on, her parents might not approve of their daughter settling where she is not welcomed or accepted.
Rejecting her is not a result of anything that she has done wrong, but for something that she has no control over, which is where she came from. It is not something that can be changed or corrected, or even ignored, because no matter what, she is always going to be an Igala girl. Her culture and traditions also matter, just as his do.
This isn’t an uncommon factor problem in the country. For decades, lovers have been facing this difficult challenge, and unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like it is going to go away any time soon. It has resulted in the termination of what would have been a lovely union between two people. In some cases, others have stubbornly gone ahead with it and years later, regretted the decision, while a few have no regrets at all.
However, it is a risky thing to do, as many would rather not bother with it, but Mister M is in a dilemma. He loves his partner, whom he has been with for so long, and starting all over again might not be easy for both of them.
What should he do?
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Why do parents do this??? You’ve not met the lady and you have condemned her already. I remember asking a parent that “imagine that girl was your daughter whom you have been praying ceaselessly to marry, only for your daughter to tell you that I wasn’t accepted in his family cause of her TRIBE” parents/Family should do better please.
They don’t usually consider their daughters when they take this decision🤦🏼♀️
It happened to my brother, but he insisted it must be her and the parents had no choice but to go with his decision and they are happily married till date. If her tribe is the only thing the parents are complaining about, I believe there are many couples that he can make references to, who are from different geopolitical zone, same as it is with him and the lady, who living happily bless.
Thank you so much for sharing this. It might just be helpful.
For mr M parent to disapprove it’s not from a place of hate, but from the experience they gotten or see so far it’s now upto mr M to take a stand if the parent of the lady welcome him
They should have at least tried to even get to know the girl before making conclusions.
I will advise that he makes them understand because going ahead without their approval I don’t think is really a good idea.
I’ve seen where a woman is not accepted, they do everything to frustrate the woman till the last breath of the man….
It is usually not a good idea.
Quite a dicey situation, we are all going to be parents tomorrow let’s do better. Love should know no bound be it religion, ethnicity, or race. Either ways he still have to convince his parents else the woman might not enjoy a co-existence with her in-laws which will have an adverse effect on her unborn kids and the list goes on.
In most cases, convincing doesn’t work, unfortunately.
Hmm, sticky situation
It really is, and that’s the name of my movie by the way☺️
This here is actually something to talk about seriously
It keeps happening and I really don’t get why…
Funny enough, the decision of who one marries should majorly be a personal one not sth that a community should sit and decide because at the long run, the two persons getting married will be the ones to deal with what comes up in the union.
The Nigerian culture doesn’t look at it that way, sadly.
Parents shouldn’t be selfish when it comes to the happiness of their kids. 8 years is alot. Ethnic background shouldn’t be a barrier because you’re not getting married to her state, but her. I feel he should let his parents know her on a more personal level before making any conclusion. And if they still refuses, please the girl should move on. Maybe with time, she will find someone whose family loves her completely and fully.
Nigerian parents who have already said no from the very beginning will rather stand on that rejection that take the chance to get to know her, I promise you.
Sometimes to be a rebellious child pays, cos if their son were one stubborn child, they won’t even dare to tell him not marry the love of his life.Also, I think he should have sat his parents down to explain few things to them.
Most Nigerian parents don’t listen o😂
Tribal difference is not enough reason to throwaway 8 good years of relationship.. African parents should stop this and allow young lovers enjoy their love life.