Habibah was eighteen to nineteen years old when she got married.
She had just finished writing her WAEC at that time, written JAMB and was awaiting both result and admission into the university in her hometown in Kogi State, but an inter-village fight started, which led to hunger and intense suffering. It was in the midst of the chaos and hardship that she met her husband; he had come to the village from Abuja for a funeral.
He saw her, picked interest in her and proposed to marry her. As a young naïve girl, a man from Abuja wanting to marry her was the perfect escape from all that was going on in the village, which was affecting her as well. Aside the man being way older than Habibah, he was also a widower with two kids. With all the glaring conditions, she married him and moved to Abuja with him, even though she had a boyfriend herself…but then, not even love could prevent her from escaping the crisis.
Getting to his house in Abuja, she met an unplanned arrangement: the man’s mother and brother who are both physically blind would be living with them, and since then, she has not experienced a day’s peace in the marriage. However, Habibah kept in touch with her ex-boyfriend who expressed his disappointment at being dumped for an older man, and she apologized for her actions and how it made him feel. Her husband got to know about her friendship with her ex-boyfriend, called him and warned him sternly, and she never heard from him again.
Habibah is now twenty-four years old.
The man’s kids who are now fifteen and thirteen years respectively have taken liberties to throw insults at her at will, even in the presence of her husband, their father. Taking insults from his children are not her only woes, she also takes his beatings. On one occasion, she had an altercation with her step-son when she was pregnant with her second child, and as usual, he started insulting her in the presence of his father who was eating. Angrily, she spanked him for being so disrespectful. Her husband immediately abandoned his food and pounced on her. More often than not, her husband, his children, blind mother and brother would dish out insults to her at once, even in the presence of onlookers.
Early this year when she got really fed up, she travelled back to her hometown and cried to her parents, explaining her plight, and informing them that she was tired of being married to her husband. Her mother said, “I did not marry two husbands, and I did not have my children for two men, therefore you cannot leave your husband. After all, nobody forced you to marry him”, and afterwards, they called her husband to come and take her back.
To make matters worse now, he has started an affair outside their marriage. According to Habibah, she has no issues with him taking another wife, especially as their religion (Islam) permits it, but why would he be having an affair outside their marriage?
This twenty-four years old Habibah who is supposed to be living her best life now; going out, travelling, meeting new people, exploring things, finding dreams and ambitions, learning and unlearning, loving and being loved is stuck in a marriage, which she has been starved of love and attention from the very beginning.
Habibah has yearned and craved for love, attention, companionship, a gist partner, physical touch just as she has seen with other couples, but she has never experienced any of these. In fact, the only time her husband touches her is when he comes into her room for sexual intercourse.
Fortunately for her, he was gracious enough to enroll her in school, and she is currently in 400L, undergoing Sandwich program in University of Abuja.
According to the stories neighbors and people are feeding her with, the treatment she has been receiving from her husband is the exact treatment he accorded his late wife before she passed. What is even laughable is that the man is spewing threats of divorce whenever she upsets him, simply because he has a new woman he is itching to marry.
Although it has never been a marriage of butterflies, it is now even worse than it had ever been.
Habibah is more than fed up with the marriage, but she is afraid of her family’s rejection. She has two children with her husband. Also, she has only one year left to graduate from school. She wants to leave the hell of a marriage so badly, but if she leaves now, she has no one else to help her complete her education, especially as she is just a housewife.
What should Habibah do?
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One thing I know is that marriage is not an escape from ANYTHING at all, especially for women, and it’s time we stopped thinking it is, else we will keep realizing it when we have already made the mistake. She should concentrate on finishing school.
Pathetic..
Omor this one choke …
More reason why u shouldn’t be a housewife ..
Make u no go see shege cos of marriage. ..
Being a housewife or an independent wife does not determine the level of “shege” a woman can experience in marriage, but being independent gives better options.
True words.
She should get a handwork or sell little things to survive without the knowledge of her husband. With time, she will gather enough funds to fund her education and as well, take care of her children. Marriage is never a degree
Selling little things or getting a handwork without the knowledge of her husband will be difficult, especially in a place where people see and talk.
I’m out of words.
Situations like this can lead to speechlessness.
Marriage can never be a bed of roses…. She should just concentrate on finishing school, get a job so she can be able to save up to get a simple apartment and move in with her children, but if the husband insist on having possession of the children she should let him have them but she shouldn’t be restricted from going to visit them when she wants….. A broken marriage is better than a broken life… Her sanity and her life should be her priority
Msrriage IS a bed of roses when you are doing it with the right person. Nevertheless, this is a helpful advice.
Hmmm, people are going through a lot, I think she should concentrate on finishing her school. If you talk of a business, you need capital and I’m sure she cannot boast of any penny to her name. So disheartening
Exactly…it is easy to talk about starting up a business, but many fail to understand that a business needs capital, and of course, the risks that comes with it.
No woman should be forced to stay with an abusive husband no matter what the circumstances are. This is because there has been several cases of death as a result of over endurance and in most cases, situations of women losing their mental balance. However, in the case of Habibah, I think she should stay put untill she graduates, since she has just one more year left. This is to give her something tangible to fall back to.
Everything in this comment!
This is so sad.She should finish her education and after she should start a business.
Really sad
Such is life……People are really going through hell all in the name of marriage. Best thing to do now is to finish up her school, since she has just 1 year remaining, and also find something doing to cater for her family
Yes, they are.
I think she should leave the marriage cos she may die of depression or even domestic violence. Her life is way more important.
If she leaves the marriage now, her family will not accept or assist her, and her school will be put on hold…these are Habibah’s challenges.
The love of her family is very important for her to move on
I like this comment a lot.
Expectations hurts huh? Marriage ain’t for kids after all..
I Also feel sorry for her young “innocent” boy lover back in d village.. I’m sure his only crime was not having money.. Women Smh
She was young, naive, tired of the chaos around her, frustrated…it is not exactly abnormal for someone her age, under the circumstances. I don’t think Habibah should be blamed for the mistake she made.
Hmmm.
Well, I see people saying let her endure till she complete her education, but what if in the process this depression and all sorts leads to her sudden death. What then will happen to the education? it’s easier said than done.
The ball is her court, she alone knows where it’s pinches her.
If you don’t take a step forward you can’t know if you’re succeeding or not.
May God help her through.
Unfortunately, she finds herself at a loss for what exactly to do.
The only place she knows she can run to for help for now is her parents house, and they are not ready to save their own daughter’s life. I will advise she should keep enduring the pains, just to get her degree, and at the same time seek for help outside so as to get out of that toxic marriage. She should speak out, sometimes it’s not your family member that will help you out of some situations.
Parents and families need to really learn to stop accepting their children back into the home from an abusive marriage.
I think she has more power than she realizes. She may just be a housewife but have access to other things.
God help us in this thing called marriage
This is pathetic.
May God open her eyes to the other things she may have access to, then.
Helping her doesn’t necessitate them taking her back into their home. It might be in form of financial support(business) just to be able to stand on her own or getting her an apartment.
This is also another point.